Finding Peace

With so many things happening around me it is difficult to quiet down the white noise in my head and be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes.  It is difficult to think one thought at a time and concentrate… really concentrate and hear my own heart. 

OK so yes, that does sound hokey…I tend toward the extreme with most things, especially in words of expression…so shoot me.

Anyway, My moments if qiuet don't look like those cool Corona commercials where the guy throws his cell phone in to the ocean or the calgon take me away episodes. They are more like sitting outside with a good book and my cat on my lap, and I zone out for a bit and my mind goes to this place.  Or walking to the Frutta e Vedura on the corner and thinking about an event that happened.  Or the calm after a crying jag when you catch your breath and get very still.  Or the best  sitting outside after dark, smelling the jasmine in my yard and looking up to the sky and feeling so small in this big world and wondering what is my part in it all.

Yes, I know, hokier still… shut up.

But it is in these moments when I let the quiet in… I still my world and let the rest fade to black.  I am alone with myself, and comfortable there.  That is big for me.  I have grown to like me – as I am, neurotic, headstrong, giving, sacrastic, loud, anal retentive and cluttered  (often at the same time – go figure).  I didn't always like me much, but my thirties have brought me to my peace (read about methods of getting there).  My peace is in the acceptance of who I am today, and the fact that that is not necessarily the whole story or the future defined – it just is.  My peace is in the understanding that I am an evolving being, that can change what I don't like, accept what I am unwilling to change, or be unwilling to change because I disagree with you that there is a problem.  I can be silly, arrogant, bossy, vain, unselfish to a fault or totally self absorbed and it is ok… as long as I know that is what I am, or accept what I have done. I can accept responsibility, face the music, disregard the judgement of others, learn from my mistakes, dance to my own tune, beat my own drum and jump in mud puddles… I can… I can… I CAN.  That is my peace.

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